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The American Dental Association warns of your baby developing issues with jaw or bite alignment and crooked teeth if pacifier sucking is left to run wild, but, hey, Mama’s nerves (and nipples) are raw and she just needs a minute to enumerate one thought without a cacophony of crying.

Your child’s binky is the only barrier between you and a dark purgatory where “Ring Around the Rosie” sung in Blippi’s voice plays on repeat for eternity.
Keep the binky – or five – at arm’s length at all times. There’s always orthodontics.

Don't forget to check out THE MOM DECK: A hilarious, 42-card spoof deck is bursting with colorful and raw vignettes of pregnancy and Motherhood, put together into a convenient, oozing, Motherhood sandwich – with the crusts uncut – and of course, features our patron saint, "MaDamn Skeleton." Read it and weep – or is that the hormones?

NB: 5-8lbs. 
6M: 7-15lbs.
12M: 16-22lbs. 
18M: 23-27lbs.
24M: 28-30lbs